DOWN ON BENDED KNEE

Darlin' I can't explain
Where did we lose our way
Girl it's drivin' me insane
And I know I just need one more chance
To prove my love to you
If you come back to me
I'll guarantee
That I'll never let you go

So many nights I dream of you
Holding my pillow tight
I know I don't need to be alone
When I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity
I'm begging you, begging you come back to me

Gonna swallow my pride
Say I'm sorry
Stop pointing fingers the blame is on me
I want a new life
And I want it with you
If you feel the same
Don't ever let it go
You gotta believe in the spirit of love
It can heal all things
We won't hurt any more
No I don't believe our love's terminal
I'm down on my knees begging you please
Come home

Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they use to be
Oh God give me a reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee

Wanna build a new life
Just you and me
Gonna make you my wife
Raise a family

Please, BELIEVE. . . . .

Thank You for reading. Peace & God Bless! - Tiffany

.::E&T FOREVER::. 143Emma/ForeverLoyal. . . . I'm Sorry

WHAT IT FEELS LIKE

I'M SORRY EMMA. . . .

Thank You for reading. Peace & God Bless. -Tiffany

.::E&T FOREVER::. 143Emma/ForeverLoyal

NEW LIFE

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EMMA, I LOVE YOU. I don't need a specified day to tell you that I love you because I try to tell you and show you how much I do love you everyday. Still, I am sorry for what I did and the situation I put us in and that we aren't able to spend Valentines Day together. I do want you to know that I am sorry and I will continue to try and prove to you that I am, that I am trustworthy, I am committed to you and that I will never hurt you again. I really am truly in love with you and will do whatever it takes. I know you trusted me with your heart and I ripped it apart and I am sorry that I did. I am more that positive that that will never ever happen again. I want to be there to help you through the healing process and repair your heart. I tried to show that in the drawing below. It's a thread n needle sewing up a heart with the words "new life" on the sides. It's to symbolize that I want to help put your heart back together and have a new beginning. I know it will take some time and a lot of hard work but I don't care how long or what it takes. I really am sorry and I really really love you Emma.

Thank You for reading. Peace & God Bless. -Tiffany

.::E&T FOREVER::. 143Emma/ForeverLoyal

THOUGHTS FLOATING IN MY MIND, NO SAIL... AHOY!

I am sorry

I love

I hate

I help

I hurt

I smile

I cry

I let be

I judge

I blame

I'm humble

I make mistakes

I make bad choices

I forgive

I give 2nd chances

I envy

I'm selfish

I'm selfless

. . .I'm human

In spite of my mistakes and bad choices in the past I know I am a good person and really good at heart. All I want is everyone to see the best in me despite those bad choices I've made in my past, but it is because of my past that people only see the worst in me. That needs to change just like I have. I admit to my mistakes and take the blame (as I should) for my actions. Although they don't have rehab centers for being an asshole like I was, I have been and am still constantly changing and growing. Learning with every step taken. Not knowing what's to come or what may be, but knowing that only I can fulfill my dreams. Only I can figure the path that is best and will lead me to a higher place.

Everyone has that point and time in life where you finally find yourself. When you finally know who you are and what you want and who you want to be with. When you become mature and finally realize all the things the people tried to warn you about since you were a child. The time in life where it finally hits you. Some get to that point early and others later on in life. Some listen and learn from others mistakes and some just don't understand until they go through it themselves. And when you finally get to that point, some will do anything and everything they can to be who they know they are, get accomplished what they want and be with who they know they want to share life with. Others will confine their own happiness for the approval or happiness of others, then try to make themselves believe they can be happy with something else. Worried about how people will perceive them instead of doing what they know will make them happy.

But everyone is different. One thing that may be for sure is that when you do go through that time in life whenever it may be. When you stop living for others and stop just living in that moment and living just to fit it in or to be popular. When you stop sacrificing your own happiness to be accepted by people who could care less about you. When you go where you are celebrated not tolerated and notice the people who were never there before but suddenly have a great interest in your life and vice versa. When that change finally comes, it will be a good change that you will be happy with in the long run. A change that you made for you and for your life and not for anyone else's because no one can live your life but you. Still people will look down upon you and say you've changed in a bad way. They'll say you are changing who you are and becoming someone different when you're not. You just stopped living your life their way and finally standing up for who you really are.

I am being looked down upon now because of my mistakes in the past which is understandable being that we are all human and it is easy to point the finger. I admit to my mistake and stand strong knowing that I am a good person and I have changed for the better. Knowing what I want out of life and who I want to share it with. Knowing I will do anything to reach my dreams. I Tiffany, am in love with Emma. I always will be no matter what. My love for her is unconditional because I believe that you should either be or don't be. There's no middle ground so it leaves no room for confusion. I love her and always will, period. I will do everything in my power to show her that I do, that I'm sorry and that I have changed. In the face of true love you don't give up. I know this will be hard because it's already hard to wait around for something I know there's a possibility that it might never happen. It's even harder to give up when I know it's everything and the only thing not that I'll ever want and need but her also. Everyone should realize that a dream isn't just a dream, but its something that only you know and only you can make a reality. She is my cinderella, my dream only fits one size. My dream is going to be the hardest thing i'll probably have to face in my life but I don't think it's impossible. Okay I think I did enough yapping for today. Just had some things on my mind that I needed to let out. Bottom line I'm not giving up. Love never fails and the world is filled with infinite possibilities, go out and make them your own. I Love You Emma. I'm Sorry...

Thank You for reading. Peace & God Bless. -Tiffany

.::E&T FOREVER::. 143Emma/ForeverLoyal

IM IN LOVE WITH YOU

There's a very nice quote that says "music speaks what can not be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul." The song below is such a beautiful and powerful song and it's as if the lyrics where taken right out of my mouth n heart and put over a beautiful melody. This song was sung so beautiful and passionate and expresses the way I feel inside. I want to dedicate it to you Emma. I'm in love with you!

ERYKAH BADU FEAT. STEPHEN MARLEY - IN LOVE WITH YOU

Thank You for reading. Peace & God Bless. - Tiffany

.::E&T FOREVER::. 143Emma/ForeverLoyal

THE HANDS

Place your hands like mine in the picture above and follow along as I explain what it represents....

First, the thumb represents your parents. Now try separating them apart. Notice how they easily open? They separate so easy because you are not destined to live with your parents forever.... Now join them back together.

Next, separate your index fingers. You will see that they will open too. These fingers represent your siblings. They will also lead their own lives in the future.

The middle fingers represent yourself...

Next separate your pinkies. These fingers will open as well because they represent your kids, who will also have a different life from yours, eventually.

Lastly, try opening your ring fingers... You're right, you can't. This is because the ring finger represents you & your spouse; for me, us & the love I have for Emma. No matter what I will remain together as a part of her for the rest of my life. To me this represents exactly what I am trying to get across. I will never leave her side, only stand together by her no matter what. It is the ring finger because it belongs to her and only her forever. She is not my number one because then that would mean that there's a second and third. She is my only one.

Thank You for reading. Peace & God Bless - Tiffany

.::E&T FOREVER::. 143Emma/ForeverLoyal

THOUGHTS

Emma I've failed you so many times I can't even count them all. If I apologized a billion ways it still wouldn't cover them all. You loved me when I didn't even love myself, how can you forgive someone like me with all of my mess? Stress I caused on you and so many, used words that cut like a sword, with the same tongue I said I loved you and with the same tongue I cursed you. If you turn your back on me like many times I did to you, I'd be a dean woman walking, lost in the wilderness. My flesh sometimes get the best of me, and 9 times out of 10 I fall to my knees. I ask you to forgive me. I can't afford to make too many mistakes and end up losing my life on a temporary kind of high. Playing Russian roulette with my life. That's no way to live, in doubt and fear. But you gave me power and a sound mind. So I thank you for sparing me while I was wallowing in self-pity.

My God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven, and the pains of hell; but most of all because I have offend Thee, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Lord, Forgive what I have been, sanctify what I am & order what I shall be. Amen

My apologies Emma, to the entire Garton Family & all close friends of...

Thanks for reading & God Bless -Tiffany

.::E&T FOREVER::. 143Emma/ForeverLoyal

WHY I CREATED THIS BLOG

So as I have stated in my about this blog section, I created this blog for a girl named Emma. We had been in an amazing relationship for almost 2-years until I went and did the worst things I could ever do. I cheated. I lost the one thing that made her fall in love with me in the first place and that's me. I lost myself and who I really am. I started hanging around the wrong people and allowing others to manipulate me and do things that are completely against my morals and lifestyle. Now by no means am I blaming what I did on anyone else or making any excuses. It is all my fault and I take full responsibility for what I have done. I became such a mean, selfish, immature person. I became a monster. I hate that I allowed myself to have done such a thing. I lost respect for myself but most importantly for Emma and our relationship. This is a very big deal, being that we both planned to spend the rest of our lives together. I fucked up big time. I lied and cheated and broke her wonderful heart along with my own. I caused tremendous amounts of pain and damage. I jeopardized our family and the great future we had ahead of us. I brought shame and embarrassment to not only myself but to my entire family because I was not raised in that way and was taught so much better than that.

Over the past months I have worked on not only getting who I am back but making that me better. God has forgiven me for what I have done and I have definitely learned from my bad choices. I have matured, changed and continue to take the necessary steps to progress as a better person everyday. I created this blog because I want to put it all out in the open and put my heart out there. I'm not afraid to tell the world who I'm in love with. I'm not afraid to say that I fucked up and I want to prove that I have grown and learned from my horrible choices. I want to prove that I really do have true deep regret & remorse for what I did & I really do love Emma. Even though I know it is tremendously difficult I ask her and her family for forgiveness. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get some form of restitution to rebuild our friendship, relationship, and her trust for me. I know that I have changed for the better and will never allow myself to let anything happen like that ever again but I need to prove that to her and her family and friends. I want to gain the chance to get that one last chance. I really am sorry and I apologize a bazillion times.

Now as sweet and cliche as all this sounds, this will not be an easy take AT ALL! This will be the most important and hardest battle of my life but I'm not going into this war to win a purple heart. I'm doing it because I really do love Emma. All I ever wanted was a single thing worth fighting for and I have found it. Emma and our relationship is something that was truly incredible and something that people spend their entire lives trying to find and some die never getting the chance to find it. My fight is indefatigable and I will be persistent until I prove to her and the world that I really love her and will never hurt her ever again. I always here a lot of people say the rule is "once a cheater always a cheater" but I'm here to prove all those people wrong and to show everyone that I am thee exception to that rule! If it's one in a million then I am that one! To help others believe in second chances because I know that's all I need to prove these things. People make horrible mistakes in life and some people really are sorry and really do change. It's those that say they will change and continue to carry out those same behaviors that give people like me a bad name. I'm here to stand in my own lane and show everyone that I'm nothing like the rest. Yes I did lie & cheat in the past but I have changed. I am sorry. I will never do it again. I am trustworthy and loyal and committed. I really do love Emma and will do whatever it takes to prove all things to her, her family, her friends, and the world! I want to spend the rest of my life with Emma. In spite of all opposition, obstacles & judgments I will encounter, I will prove those who doubt me wrong. I am a changed woman.

But why a blog?... Now don't get me wrong, I know it's going to take more than just a blog to prove my love to Emma and prove that I have changed. Which is why this is not the only thing I am doing or have done to prove so. This is just one of the many. Anyway, I chose to create this blog in addition to different things because not only does it help prove that I'm not trying to hide my love for her and I'm taking responsibility, admitting my mistakes and things like that but while doing so will also help keep me sane and continue to progress as a better person. I have gotten rid of a lot of negative and just plain no good people in my life which has left me with pretty much no one. LOL There are times where I get down and things get rough and I have bad days. There's nothing worse that getting stuck inside my own head in loops of self-defeating thoughts. When I blog I react to things on a personal level and I get to write it down and release which is so much healthier than holding it all in. If I isolate myself when I am feeling down I might find myself thinking no one else could be as unfortunate as me and comparing myself to all sorts of unrealistic things and could easily become convinced that life isn't worth living. Instead I will write down things about Emma and my life and my values issues and concerns until I am understood and I prove my love and that I have changed. Blogging helps me pay closer attention to the world around me, live in the present and relish in the life lessons. It helps to stop just going through the motions and living life on auto pilot. Instead getting fully engaged in everything that happens and take control of my life and make the right choices and decisions.

Also this blog is my way of proving that the things I am saying are true by holding myself accountable and letting others do the same. When I announce to the world that I am really sorry and I am in love with Emma and have truly changed and will do all things necessary to prove it and never ever give up, I don't ever want to write about how I have failed or gave up or anything like that. Maybe people will start to see my change and start believing in me and become a supporter of my journey to proving my love for Emma. This blog is my own self therapy but most importantly a way to prove my growth and change and true love for Emma. It will be everything and anything to do with her. No special additives, preservatives or artificial flavors to spice it up and make it seem like I'm someone I'm not. It's just me being real and honest and true and coming from the heart to show my 100% pure love for Emma. That's why I named it "Organic Love." I Love You Emma!


Thanks for reading & God Bless -Tiffany
.::E&T FOREVER::. 143Emma/ForeverLoyal