Friday, January 29, 2010


So as I have stated in my about this blog section, I created this blog for a girl named Emma. We had been in an amazing relationship for almost 2-years until I went and did the worst things I could ever do. I cheated. I lost the one thing that made her fall in love with me in the first place and that's me. I lost myself and who I really am. I started hanging around the wrong people and allowing others to manipulate me and do things that are completely against my morals and lifestyle. Now by no means am I blaming what I did on anyone else or making any excuses. It is all my fault and I take full responsibility for what I have done. I became such a mean, selfish, immature person. I became a monster. I hate that I allowed myself to have done such a thing. I lost respect for myself but most importantly for Emma and our relationship. This is a very big deal, being that we both planned to spend the rest of our lives together. I fucked up big time. I lied and cheated and broke her wonderful heart along with my own. I caused tremendous amounts of pain and damage. I jeopardized our family and the great future we had ahead of us. I brought shame and embarrassment to not only myself but to my entire family because I was not raised in that way and was taught so much better than that.

Over the past months I have worked on not only getting who I am back but making that me better. God has forgiven me for what I have done and I have definitely learned from my bad choices. I have matured, changed and continue to take the necessary steps to progress as a better person everyday. I created this blog because I want to put it all out in the open and put my heart out there. I'm not afraid to tell the world who I'm in love with. I'm not afraid to say that I fucked up and I want to prove that I have grown and learned from my horrible choices. I want to prove that I really do have true deep regret & remorse for what I did & I really do love Emma. Even though I know it is tremendously difficult I ask her and her family for forgiveness. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get some form of restitution to rebuild our friendship, relationship, and her trust for me. I know that I have changed for the better and will never allow myself to let anything happen like that ever again but I need to prove that to her and her family and friends. I want to gain the chance to get that one last chance. I really am sorry and I apologize a bazillion times.

Now as sweet and cliche as all this sounds, this will not be an easy take AT ALL! This will be the most important and hardest battle of my life but I'm not going into this war to win a purple heart. I'm doing it because I really do love Emma. All I ever wanted was a single thing worth fighting for and I have found it. Emma and our relationship is something that was truly incredible and something that people spend their entire lives trying to find and some die never getting the chance to find it. My fight is indefatigable and I will be persistent until I prove to her and the world that I really love her and will never hurt her ever again. I always here a lot of people say the rule is "once a cheater always a cheater" but I'm here to prove all those people wrong and to show everyone that I am thee exception to that rule! If it's one in a million then I am that one! To help others believe in second chances because I know that's all I need to prove these things. People make horrible mistakes in life and some people really are sorry and really do change. It's those that say they will change and continue to carry out those same behaviors that give people like me a bad name. I'm here to stand in my own lane and show everyone that I'm nothing like the rest. Yes I did lie & cheat in the past but I have changed. I am sorry. I will never do it again. I am trustworthy and loyal and committed. I really do love Emma and will do whatever it takes to prove all things to her, her family, her friends, and the world! I want to spend the rest of my life with Emma. In spite of all opposition, obstacles & judgments I will encounter, I will prove those who doubt me wrong. I am a changed woman.

But why a blog?... Now don't get me wrong, I know it's going to take more than just a blog to prove my love to Emma and prove that I have changed. Which is why this is not the only thing I am doing or have done to prove so. This is just one of the many. Anyway, I chose to create this blog in addition to different things because not only does it help prove that I'm not trying to hide my love for her and I'm taking responsibility, admitting my mistakes and things like that but while doing so will also help keep me sane and continue to progress as a better person. I have gotten rid of a lot of negative and just plain no good people in my life which has left me with pretty much no one. LOL There are times where I get down and things get rough and I have bad days. There's nothing worse that getting stuck inside my own head in loops of self-defeating thoughts. When I blog I react to things on a personal level and I get to write it down and release which is so much healthier than holding it all in. If I isolate myself when I am feeling down I might find myself thinking no one else could be as unfortunate as me and comparing myself to all sorts of unrealistic things and could easily become convinced that life isn't worth living. Instead I will write down things about Emma and my life and my values issues and concerns until I am understood and I prove my love and that I have changed. Blogging helps me pay closer attention to the world around me, live in the present and relish in the life lessons. It helps to stop just going through the motions and living life on auto pilot. Instead getting fully engaged in everything that happens and take control of my life and make the right choices and decisions.

Also this blog is my way of proving that the things I am saying are true by holding myself accountable and letting others do the same. When I announce to the world that I am really sorry and I am in love with Emma and have truly changed and will do all things necessary to prove it and never ever give up, I don't ever want to write about how I have failed or gave up or anything like that. Maybe people will start to see my change and start believing in me and become a supporter of my journey to proving my love for Emma. This blog is my own self therapy but most importantly a way to prove my growth and change and true love for Emma. It will be everything and anything to do with her. No special additives, preservatives or artificial flavors to spice it up and make it seem like I'm someone I'm not. It's just me being real and honest and true and coming from the heart to show my 100% pure love for Emma. That's why I named it "Organic Love." I Love You Emma!

Thanks for reading & God Bless -Tiffany
.::E&T FOREVER::. 143Emma/ForeverLoyal


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